do you ever get the feeling like someone is put in your life for a reason?
i am a little emotional today, as usual.
i have been having a hard time lately in church. i felt like i was trying so hard to fit in with the sisters in the ward. i felt like i wasn't liked, as hard as i tried to be nice and step out of my bubble to tell someone hello. and as it is my calling to ask sisters to pray, it would literally frighten me. i was afraid to step outside my box. i was afraid for the answer..."no". and could not understand why. why would someone say no? i would get offended and want to leave, or get my feelings hurt and want to cry. why? i believe i took their response offensively.
today, i see it all differently.
i was blessed to sit by a new friend.
i expressed how much i hated this part. (the part of asking someone to pray)
she asked me why.
i said, because i feel like it's way outside of my box to meet new people and to ask them. and mostly because i am afraid their answer may be "no". and i expressed it in a way as if it was the worst thing that could ever happen to me.
she simply said, "you know, maybe it's not that they are trying not to help you, maybe they are not able to say it at this time in their life, and they are trying to do what is right for them."
i was so selfish of thinking of my own feelings.
my own thoughts.
i didn't care to think of these sweet sisters that may be having struggles in their life where they are not able to pray at this time. or maybe they are way to terrified to stand up and say a prayer in front of an audience.
today, nobody said no. and my friend was very willing and happy to say one of the prayers for me.
i will now always be considerate to the sisters that simply say "no". because i will never know, nor do i need to know the reason why. i can move on to the next sister, or the next.
2 comments:
Char, you are such a sweet girl. I am so glad that you found a new friend at church. I am one of those people that say no to praying at church. Why? Well, for starters lets say it is SO intimidating in itself to me. The thought of standing up there with everyone listening to me pray is SO very nerve wrecking. Plus the fact that I didn't start going to church until 9 years ago, when Dirk and I started dating, that I feel "beneath" the other women in the ward and that they would do a much better job than me. I feel so unknowledgeable when I am stacked up against them, so it makes me SO very uncomfortable. But I, like you, have never thought about what the sister asking me feels like when I say no, maybe I should explain myself. Hang in there, I miss you! Love you!
Aw, Charly, that makes me sad to think you don't think you are liked! You are the CUTEST girlie and so sweet, I LIKE YOU! I hope you guys are doing well!
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